


my broken veins say that if my heart stops beating

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, First Time, Getting high, M/M, Shameless Smut, Weed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 14:09:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1781869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the one where sebastian and chris get high and chris gets curious and sebastian ends up three fingers deep in him</p>
            </blockquote>





	my broken veins say that if my heart stops beating

**Author's Note:**

> title (shamefully) taken from pressure by the 1975 (i listened to it the entire time while writing this so i suggest you listen to it at least once, they’re my favorites ever)
> 
> dude major kudos to @cyberneticarm on twitter you’re so rad you motivated me to actually get this thing done just by being excited so thank you ok
> 
> if you enjoy this shoot me an ask at www.starkbuckys.tumblr.com or tweet me @starkbucky and give me a follow for more awesome shit on your timeline/dashboard
> 
> ok enough rambling by me enjoy the evanstan and weed and sex

\+ + +

sebastian calls chris out of pure boredom. really, he swears.

no other motivations possible. nope, not at all.

“you’ve gone all quiet like you do when you want to ask me something but you don’t know how to say it,” chris says with a laugh and sebastian bites down on his lip, fiddles with the baggie in his pocket.

“get high with me tonight,” he says then, choosing to just go for it, and chris snorts.

“we’ve got work tomorrow,” he says, and sebastian sighs.

“how long do you think this stuff lasts for evans, jesus, you’ll be fine. it’s just to let go for a few hours,” he says and he can practically hear how fast chris’ mind is racing. always the good boy.

“yeah okay, fuck. my place in half an hour?” chris finally says, tone tinged with desperation.

sebastian actually laughs out loud. “that’s the spirit, chris. i’ll be there in a bit,” he says, still laughing when he hangs up.

sebastian presses his phone into his back pocket and lighting up a cigarette as he looks down at the city streets below him. he doesn’t understand why he does this every time before he goes to smoke with someone; he always lights up a damn cigarette, like he’s not under the impression that he’ll be inhaling a joint’s worth of smoke later on in the evening. it’s more of a calming mechanism, seb thinks it always has been for him. he’d always sneak out for a smoke in the school courtyard outside of the west wing when he was in high school before a big exam, and he’d walk in the room smelling like smoke and ash and whatever cologne he ended up wearing that day and he hadn’t given a single shit.

no one ever asked, so no one ever got answers. his alcohol, his cigarettes, hell, even his sexuality; all the same concept.

when his acting career took off, he was lucky enough to be surrounded with a group of people that enjoyed getting high every once and a while themselves, for the same reasons sebastian would smoke in high school; to relieve the stress. to embrace an identity other than his own for at least a few hours. sebastian’s personal favorite was the fact that getting high enabled him to be able to selectively forget anything he needed an escape from, or everything, if that’s what he needed.

nowadays, there was really only one reason. unrequited love is a bitch that sebastian’s never really figured out how to deal with properly.

even now, at the top of his game, sometimes he just needs to let it all fucking go, even if it’s only for the three hours of break time he has before going back to the set to shoot another scene.

he stubs out the cigarette, waking himself up out of his reverie and scraping the toe of his boots against the marble of the balcony, willing everything to slow down or leave him just long enough to get to chris’ and get the drugs in his system and flip on the switch that enables him to let it all go. damn it all to hell.

he tucks his hands into the pockets of his jacket, fingers clenching around the small pouch tucked inside like it’s his only lifeline and walks outside his flat. he locks the door and slips the key in his back pocket, fingers brushing against the box of cigarettes. his throat suddenly aches with the scratch of need and then all of the thoughts of just one, just one crash over his brain in tidal waves but he swallows hard, shakes his head slightly, willing it all to go away because there’s something more, something better something stronger; all he has to do is wait.

but then again, sebastian’s never been the most patient person.

he walks across the street and turns three blocks; left, left, right, until he’s at chris’ doorstep. he kicks the bottom of it with his boot and he doesn’t even have to knock, because suddenly he’s got a chris evans sized fist gripping the front of his jacket and pulling him inside, the bowl already out on his coffee table. sebastian suddenly feels a million times better because he’s gonna get it; gonna get his fix.

“hey, chris,” sebastian greets easily and chris grins, flopping down onto the couch.

“hey yourself,” seb says, still grinning and chris rolls his eyes, shrugging off the leather jacket and draping it over the couch, sitting down beside louis on the sofa.

“you alright?” chris asks and seb nods, running a hand through his hair because is he? there’s a lot going through his head at the moment and he’s not sure how to pinpoint in answer to that question in the muddle of thoughts that currently is his brain.

“think i just really need to get high,” sebastian says bluntly and chris lets out a large cackle, flushing a bit almost like he’s shy of the sound and sebastian just smiles at him, reassuring.

“i know the feeling man,” chris says, patting seb’s shoulder. “would you like to do the honors and then i’ll reap the first benefits of your effort?” chris grins and sebastian rolls his eyes, but the gesture is all fond.

sebastian can feel chris watching him, can practically see the way his eyes are transitioning in and out of focus, like he’s trying to zoom in on something that isn’t really there. chris is a curious person, sebastian knows this, and seb isn’t exactly the modest type, but there’s something about the way chris is looking at him that puts sebastian off balance. there’s something more here, in this space, something different then all of the other times, and he’s is more than a little intrigued to find out exactly what it is. sebastian’s nimble fingers finish rolling the weed tightly, smiling a soft smile. sebastian tries not to fixate on the way chris’ adam apple bobs when he swallows tightly, eyes locked on seb’s hand.

“there we are; the honor’s all yours evans,” sebastian all but whispers, passing the joint off to chris. he lights up immediately, just like that, like he hadn’t expected sebastian to actually let him have the first hit.

sebastian would let chris have anything he wanted, but he doesn’t say that.

“you’re the best,” chris grins and then there’s dry lips pressed against his cheek, gone quicker than they appeared. just a brush, but something about the glint in chris’ eyes as he pulls back makes sebastian understand that the gesture hadn’t been as purely friendly and innocent as he had made it seem. chris reaches over onto the coffee table again, nicking his lighter from the surface. sebastian tries not to look as chris’ shirt rides up, the curve of his left hip capturing his attention. he averts his eyes when chris pulls back, pretending to be looking at a spot behind chris’ head, and seb can’t be sure if chris caught him staring or not.

the flick of the lighter and glow of heat from the embers reflect across chris' cheekbones, outlines his jawline and captures every angle, lighting up his entire face in all the right ways as he lights the joint sebastian's just rolled. it makes sebastian cock his head slightly to the right, intrigued. he idly wonders what chris’ face would look like completely wrecked, throat fucked raw and cheeks flushed pink from pure exertion and adrenaline and wow, that's new.

chris pulls the joint back from his mouth to grin unabashedly at sebastian, features soft, throwing his legs up into seb's lap.

comfortable; they've always been so comfortable with each other.

chris finally, finally takes the first drag, inhaling deeply and sebastian shifts in his seat. he watches chris with a look that he hopes doesn't come off as too interested or too creepy, even though he knows chris would laugh it off anyway. somehow, sebastian knows this can all be turned into a game if it goes too far.

sebastian swallows hard when chris exhales, blunt gripped between his thumb and pointer finger, and sebastian knows how attractive chris is, everyone in the entire fucking universe does, but being able to see him like this, on the path to complete bliss is something completely different. chris is a show off, he likes the attention, craves it even, but right now he's not even trying; the words effortlessly beautiful start circulating inside his head.

the air around them seems to suffocating them with something other than the smell of weed and the light cloud of smoke closing in on them. sebastian's cloudy mind is only able to produce one resounding thought, and that’s the question of why in all fuck does this feel different?

the joint is passed between the two of them in silence, save for the sound of their exhales.

"fuck, bro, we are so fucking high," chris huffs out eventually and sebastian grins, fingers idly stroking the tan sliver of skin above his hipbone from where his shirt has ridden up as he’s relaxed into the couch. chris’ vision is hazy, trying to focus in on the motion. chris licks his lips, but says nothing when he catches sebastian staring much in the same way he did earlier.

"have you ever been with a guy before, chris?" sebastian asks suddenly, breaking the timid silence with a feminine voice feigning the innocence of a child and chris chokes on an embarrassing sound, cheeks flushed bright red, more so than it would have been from the weed alone.

"fuck sebastian, who are you?" chris wheezes, trying desperately to come up with a bantering response but falling short by a long shot, settling for chuckling and reaching forward to place a hand on sebastian’s knee, inhaling the chemicals once more before giving his skin a squeeze. "do you really want to know?" chris murmurs, because he’s not opening up to someone who doesn't really want to know something like that, and sebastian runs a hand through his hair, nodding.

"nope," chris whispers, beyond embarrassed, like this is something he should have done already, having confirmed the whole bisexuality thing and sebastian frowns a bit, head cocked to the side like it was earlier.

"why not? couldn't find a guy that wanted to fuck your ass?" sebastian teases but his tone is light, and chris thinks that his comment would have stung a lot more if his head wasn't completely in the clouds.

"shut it stan, we’re not all like you, irresistible little shit," chris huffs and sebastian grabs the joint off of the ash tray, taking another drag before exhaling it in chris’ direction. sebastian tries desperately not to get too excited over the way chris’ lips form the word irresistible.

“c’mon, chris, you know me,” sebastian says, shrugging slower than usual. “i dont care.”

“how do you just not care though?” chris asks, and he’s genuinely curious. sebastian frowns, trying to force his brain to think halfway straight for a second. “i mean,” chris breathes out heavily. “like there’s already so much shit out there; why add to it by not trying to conceal something that so many people hate?”

“wow, you get so philosophical when you’re high, look at you go,” sebastian laughs, but when chris smiles it doesn’t meet his eyes. “fuck everyone else. i do what feels good and what makes me the happiest. everyone else can go fuck themselves,” sebastian shrugs and chris shifts backwards, considering this.

“and it feels good?” chris says, and sebastian feels a blush creep up his neck, red blooming on his cheeks.

“w-what feels good?” he stumbles, and he kind of feels like he’s freefalling into uncharted territory for a moment.

“being with guys,” chris says quietly, words spoken softly like it’s a secret, and seb can only nod, throat suddenly too tight for words.

"get down here and cuddle me you asshole," seb says when he regains the ability to speak, desperate to switch the conversation away from his sexual exploits. chris smiles and sebastian just grins, crawling up into his space, throwing an arm over chris’ stomach and lets his fingers come down to stroke up and down chris’ sides.

"this is nice," chris hums and sebastian shivers at the closeness of his voice, eyelashes fluttering a bit as chris presses closer. subconsciously? he really hopes chris is so out of his element that he has no idea how cuddly he’s being, and he hopes to whatever god there may be that he can’t feel the way sebastian’s dick twitches when his breath ghosts over his ear like that.

"always is with you," sebastian decides to murmur and he can feel chris smile, pull him impossibly impossibly closer. sebastian’s heart rabbits in his chest.

"man after my heart, stan," chris banters but it sounds weak, even to sebastian’s ears, and sebastian thinks it sounds a lot like resolve crumbling. he tries to ignore the way his nerves are suddenly screaming with hope, even with his mind is completely fuzzy around the edges.

"show me," chris murmurs as he turns his head to press his lips, chapped and dry from the smoke, against the soft column of sebastian's neck. "i'd like to know," and sebastian bites back a moan, eyelids fluttering with the sensuality of it all.

sebastian eventually closes his eyes, tilts his head back, grip tightening on chris’ hip, rucking his shirt up a bit.

"come closer and i will," sebastian whispers and chris’ breath hitches and sebastian bites down on his lip as chris shifts down on the couch so sebastian can straddle his thighs, knees bracketing chris’ hips as he sits back.

"kiss me please," and chris sounds so unbearably needy for it all of a sudden and sebastian just barely bites back his groan, running a hand through chris’ hair and tugging him down, lips pressed together with a tight seal. it’s a bit uncomfortable until chris licks out across the seam of sebastian's mouth and changes the angle, lips slotted together perfectly in the best fucking way. sebastian can't help the moan of surprise that escapes his lips at the way chris takes the lead for a second and the sound makes chris’ cock twitch in interest. sebastian feels it against his thigh and he pulls back, lips parted as he pants lightly, bearing down a bit with his weight. chris huffs, chewing at his lower lip as sebastian puts a bit more weight into his lap, cock starting to fill against the seam of his jeans.

"fuck me please," chris says in the same voice as before and sebastian chokes on the little oxygen left in his lungs, shakes his head. chris pouts but sebastian kisses it away quickly.

"i want, fuck i want, but there are things better done sober, yes? losing that part of your virginity when you don’t even know where you are... probably not the best idea," sebastian murmurs and chris relaxes a bit. sebastian thinks that he'd wait forever with the promise of being able to have chris like that eventually.

"can we, something, anything, please, sebastian-" chris murmurs against sebastian’s lips and he shushes him, nodding gently, nudging their noses together for a second before making eye contact again.

sebastian’s head is in some sort of ultimate floaty place, somewhere between so fucking turned on and so endeared by everything chris evans and fuck it im just so high. sebastian forces himself to remember that he does this, with other people, on occasion just to relieve the stress of everything.

(albeit normally it doesn't end up with cocks pressing against the inseam of their jeans as they lazily grind against each other or with tongues shoved down their friend’s throats for that matter).

“i need your fingers, please,” chris begs, eyes wide and sebastian actually has to press the heel of his palm against the base of his cock to calm himself down because chris is too fucking eager, so trusting, so insanely ready for everything and anything sebastian will give him and that’s so overwhelming he has to take a minute and not come in his pants like he’s 16 fucking years old again.

“i want your clothes off and your hand on your cock when i get back over here,” sebastian murmurs, standing up and pressing a kiss to chris’ forehead as he starts stripping quickly, pulling his t-shirt up over his head. sebastian walks away before he can let himself be distracted by the sharp angles and toned lines present everywhere on his body, and sebastian  thinks that he wants to trace an outline of every single one of them with his tongue; wants to know how every bit of his skin tastes, wants his mouth everywhere, against chris’ lips, his collarbones, his thighs, his cock; anywhere and everywhere he can get it. sebastian wants to take everything chris will give him, and while sebastian has absolutely no knowledge of just how much chris is going to be willing to give, he has a strong suspicion its a lot.

sebastian all but sprints to his leather jacket, moving as quickly as he can with his head still floating so so high above the clouds, and sebastian thinks he could be drunk on chris too. he quite likes the idea of being drunk on chris and the way he tastes, the way his lips feel against sebastian’s own, and being high as all fuck off of the joint he shared with him in addition. sebastian fumbles with the package as he takes it from his pocket (a man is always prepared, not presumptuous, prepared), and all but rips his jeans off, throwing them haphazardly towards the closet and grabs a box of tissues from chris’ coat closet. he’d like to think that he’s going to be invited to stay over for coffee and cuddles and warm showers long past the aftershocks of his orgasms, but then again, sebastian has always been a fan of dreaming big.

he makes his way back to chris, erection tenting the front of his boxers as he watches chris idly stroke himself to full hardness. he watches the way chris pants against his forearm that’s thrown over his face, the way he hisses at the still too dry friction and the way his thighs tense and shake slightly when he flicks his wrist just right.

sebastian actually has no idea what the fuck he’s doing still standing here.

“alright, that’s enough, you’re nice and hard f’me, yeah?” sebastian says and chris swallows, nodding and all but making grabby hands for sebastian when he walks closer. he decides to rip his boxers off; he shouldn't have kept them on anyway. they turned out to be just plain annoying.

“fuck,” chris whines out when sebastian’s legs wrap around his bare waist, drawing him in close and pressing the head of chris’ cock against the cleft of his ass. sebastian leans in, licking a stripe up chris’ neck, eliciting a shiver, and leaning in close to his ear like he’s about to say something filthy. he doesn’t though, isn’t sure how far he can push, and opts instead for releasing little breathy moans right against his ear, biting on sensitive skin.

sebastian eventually forces chris to lay back down again, settling himself between two perfect thighs as he slicks up one of his fingers quickly, pressing one just against the tight ring of muscle, feeling it flutter underneath his fingertip. sebastian smirks at the way chris tenses and presses it inside completely, watching the way chris’ already blown eyes go a bit wider, his mouth falling open in a quiet gasp. sebastian can feel chris working around his finger, trying to relax, and it’s not much longer until chris is bearing down against seb’s hand. chris can feel the way his impossibly tight hole is clenching around sebastian, like he needs more inside of him almost as much as he needs to breathe.

“oh fuck,” chris whimpers and it’s the first time he’s vocalized anything other than a breathy gasp since sebastian slipped one finger up into him. seb watches with little pants of breath escaping his lips as chris rolls his hips down onto his finger, impossibly tight, eyes so incredibly filthy and clouded with lust as the remnants of the smoke from the joint waft around them, pulling them in even tighter together, closer into each other. sebastian can’t breathe without his nostrils being filled with part oxygen and the other part everything chris, everything perfect. it’s almost a foreign concept to sebastian because god, he’s been high and he’s had sex with people while he was but it’s never been anything close to what he feels now; he doesn’t think that there’s anything in the world that could beat this. sebastian feels so beyond in control, and he’s getting high off of it, off of the tough needy boy underneath him and the chemical imbalance penetrating his brain. this whole fucking night has thrown every part of him for a loop; feelings included.

“seb, fuck, please- give me more,” chris fucks down onto his hand again, hips rolling obscenely and moaning shamelessly as sebastian slips in another finger, meeting substantially less resistance. chris’ eyes slip shut, cock twitching and mouth forming a perfectly blissed out “o”.

sebastian has a sudden urge to fuck his throat until he can’t talk, can’t even fucking beg for sebastian to give him more, or to pull his hair back until he’s full on gagging for it, on his knees begging for sebastian to please just fuck his mouth like a whore already.

he mentally kicks himself because he refuses to come like this, without getting chris’  hand or mouth or something on his dick. really, he isn’t that weak. he does still retain some semblance of self control.

“oh fuck babe, right there, what the fuck was that?” chris’ eyes fly open, pupils wide and sebastian can’t help it, can’t bear the distance anymore, leaning down to press a long and sloppy kiss against his already kiss-bitten lips.

“s’good then, huh?” sebastian murmurs and chris can only whimper in response, words lost to him when sebastian curls his finger and presses them upwards again, all whines cut off somewhere in his throat.

chris arches up into sebastian’s touch, chests pressed together and asshole clenched around fingers as they make out, seb’s movements becoming gradually slower until chris whines, suddenly so utterly needy that it makes sebastian act on instinct, thrusting his fingers in hard and fast. chris moans, so loud it feels like the wall shake with the force of it, the sound making its way back and echoing in the inside of sebastian’s skull and fuck he’s going to have wanking material for months at the end of tonight.

“oh god, you’re- fuck, seb, you’re amazing,” chris groans out when sebastian slips in a third finger into the still tight heat and seb rolls his eyes, thrusts his fingers in again to make chris' eyes flutter when his fingertips just barely graze against his prostate.

"now is not the time for you to try and seduce me when i’m three fingers deep in your ass," sebastian says, nipping at chris’ thigh. he shivers through a laugh, bearing down further onto sebastian’s fingers. chris gasps when seb’s fingers curl against that spot again and sebastian's jaw drops at how beautiful he looks like that. he shakes his head quickly to try and clear every distracting image from his mind and shoves his fingers deeper, stretching him further and listening to chris’ answering whimper. sebastian leans up to nip at his bottom lip as they kiss heatedly, and sebastian really can’t bring himself to regret any of this, even though he really should.

he'll find some way to cover up chris’ shameless, wet moans with an effective story later on.

"oh fuck," chris whimpers again when sebastian presses his fingers up and seb bites down on his lip as he does it again, just to pull that sound from him again. he didn't expect this to be affecting him at all (bullshit, but the thought makes him feel a little less guilty), but he's suddenly acutely aware of his dick throbbing against the seam of his jeans and that's, well. alright. “seb fuck, i need to fucking come,” chris groans and sebastian swallows, eyes slipping shut.

“come on baby,” seb murmurs, the nickname simply rolling off of his tongue before he can stop it. “come for me evans,” sebastian says again, fingers enticing, encouraging him, drawing him even closer to the edge. chris’ eyes suddenly go wide, hand on his cock speeding up as he comes with a choked off moan and strained calls of “sebsebseb” as he rides down against sebastian’s fingers, letting them press against his prostate again until he shivers, moaning brokenly at the oversensitivity.

sebastian can’t help himself then, pulls his fingers out and clutches at chris’ hip as he brings his right hand down, hand ripping open his fly and getting his cock out. his fingers wrap around his shaft, grip weak, and chris blinks, slow and sluggish as he raises his own hand to cover sebastian’s.

seb loses himself with a shout after only a few strokes, the added pressure and heat of chris’ palm against the back of his hand proving to be too much. he whimpers when it becomes too much, batting chris’ hand away and collapsing against his chest.

“holy fucking shit,” chris swears after a few minutes and sebastian huffs out a laugh from where his face is pressed against chris’ chest.

“don’t swear captain, think of the kids,” sebastian mutters and chris stops suddenly, and sebastian swears he feels chris’ cock twitch.

“oh, no fucking way, that can’t be a thing,” sebastian loses it again, laughing against his chest. “that has to be illegal, fuck,” sebastian hiccups and then his laughs pick up again.

chris just smacks him upside the head.

“shuddup, i hate you,” he says, voice rough and deep, slow with exhaustion.

“no you don’t, ya love me,” sebastian murmurs, and he doesn’t say anything when chris doesn’t argue.

and he doesn’t think about it either.

he also doesn’t read into the way they stay like that, come and lube drying on their skin, pressed together on the couch until their highs wear off enough for them to move. they stumble into chris’ shower together, and soap each other up just for the hell of it, stealing sloppy kisses and moving lazy hands against warm skin. when they finally force themselves to get out, sebastian pulls on a pair of chris’ sweatpants so he doesn’t have to fight his way into wet jeans. chris makes them coffee, and they spend a long minute just looking at each other, drinking in details that hadn’t been able to before.

the smoke has cleared, and it feels like every breath he takes is filled with a new kind of oxygen. something cleaner, more crisp, more clear, more obvious.

more tangible.

sebastian wouldn’t care if this was just another one of those days that are meant just for them, something no one else will ever know about, and something just the two of them will understand.

but the way chris is looking at him from across the kitchen island as they sip their coffee makes him think that maybe, just maybe, chris is with him till the end of line too.

 

**Author's Note:**

> ok remember kudos and comments are a writer's bestest friend
> 
> and you should 100% come talk to me at www.starkbuckys.tumblr.com and @starkbucky too 
> 
> i don't bite unless you want me too (i promise ;-D )
> 
> -alex


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